From the age of 2-3, it is common for children to begin to reaffirm their personality and have little tolerance for handling “no” and obeying. Those first moments are crucial to know how you are going to resolve these situations throughout your life. If he does not have adequate strategies, he will get more angry, he can get to hurt himself or say a word that could hurt you.
Therefore, it is important that you have the appropriate strategies so that these provocations do not get worse as you grow. So we should proceed with children provoking parents.
Learning to accept "no" is difficult for both children and adults. Each child faces that "no" in a different way, there are those who resign or cry and others who scream and get angry. If your child is one of the last, you probably have the feeling that your child is trying to provoke you. Why does he do this? Sometimes it is deliberately because it is the way in which he knows that he will get what he wants (maybe it is not because of you, he may have behaved like that with someone at some time and to avoid that anger they have been given it), and in other cases it is simply because he does not know how to manage his frustration in another way.
For example, if you ask him to tidy up his room or to put on a certain dress and he doesn't want to and you don't give in so he won't, he will start to get angry and the way he finds to free himself from that emotion that he doesn't like may be saying something to you that hurts you or makes you lose control.
It is difficult to set limits with children who provoke their parents, so we offer you some simple tips that will help you reduce these situations:
- Respect, even if he doesn't have it: Do not forget that you are the adult and the one who must control the situation and not the other way around. It is possible that at that moment you think that he is doing it to hurt you or that he is trying to be above you, but if you want him to learn that forms and education should never be lost when someone disagrees with you, you must do it first.
- Maintain a routine: You and your child's rhythm are completely different, however if it is always more or less similar that will help your child to adjust and better fulfill what you propose in the time you set. However, if each day seems different and both schedules and activities are altered, it will not only generate more conflicts but also make children feel insecure and more irritated.
- Do not give in to their provocations: Not every day you are in the same mood or with the same strength to solve the problems that arise with your children. However, no matter what humor you have, you need to maintain consistency and not give in to prevent him from behaving like this or not going to more. If at that moment, you answer to their provocations, you will only make the problem worse and that you are in this situation for longer.
- Specify what you have to do: When you say things like "order the toys," you shouldn't just expect him to do it. It is such a broad term and that each one can order in a different way and that is where you will be able to think that he is kidding you and perhaps it is that it really is his way of ordering. Therefore, it is best that before sending a new task or even before doing it, take time to talk about what you expect and be more specific the next time so that it does not lead to misunderstandings.
- Take a break if you need it: It is very easy to get into a discussion where there is no solution and there is only one throw of hurtful words. When you reach that limit, it seems that the situation invites you to continue arguing, but what if I told you that it is not necessary? We are immediate and sometimes there are conversations for which it is worth taking a moment to think if it is so important (sometimes there have been real discussions about whether to put on some shoes or others) and if you are controlling the situation or the situation is out of control and lower the tension. That time (which can sometimes be 5 minutes) you can reorient the situation and change the ending.
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