Why don't you have to force your child to share

Why don't you have to force your child to share

"You have to share" is the phrase that parents repeat incessantly to our children. Every time they come to the park and another child wants their toy, if they are eating a bag of potatoes, if they have just got on a swing ...

Parents have an exaggerated desire to force children to lend their things, to share them with others, even in situations where it is not fair or the most opportune. This is the lesson that a mother gives us who explains to us why we don't have to force our children to share. His message on social networks has sparked controversy.

Alanya Kolberg is an American mom who, after an incident in a playground, decided to share her impressions of what had happened. Your child was carrying some of his favorite toys in his hands when other children came by because they wanted them too. "My son is not obliged to share with yours", was the title with which this mother began her post on her Facebook page. Your letter has already been shared by more than 212,000 users. This was his message:

"When we got to the park, Carson was approached by at least six children who demanded that he share his Transformer, his Minecraft figure and his truck. He was visibly overwhelmed and held the toys against his chest, while the children tried to take them. He looked at me." You can say no, Carson, "I said," just say no. You don't have to say anything else. "Of course, as soon as he said" no, "the guys came to berate me for not sharing. ┬┤He doesn't have to share with you. He said no. If I wanted to share, I would.

This earned me some awkward looks from other parents. The case is as follows: if I, an adult, arrive at the park eating a sandwich ... should I share it with strangers? Do not! Would some educated adult try to take my sandwich and be mad if I didn't let them? Not again. So really, while you're looking at me like that, probably thinking that my son and I are disgusting, who's showing little manners? The person who doesn't want to hand over their toys to six strangers, or the six strangers who demand to take something that doesn't belong to them, even when the owner is obviously uncomfortable?

The goal is to teach our children to act like adults. Although I know some adults who clearly did not learn to share as children, I know many more who do not know how to say no, or set limits, or take care of themselves. I include myself. In any case, Carson only brought his toys to share with my friend's daughter, with whom we were meeting at the park. He did not want to share them with the other children because he had the illusion of giving her a surprise.

So the next time your little one comes to you angry that another child doesn't want to share, please remember that We do not live in a world where it is mandatory to give everything you have to anyone just because they ask you to. I'm not going to teach my son that it works that way. "

We cannot force a child to share in any circumstance and time, under the pretext that "you have to share", without further ado.

For example, if the child has just gone down to the park with his bucket and shovel, he is calmly filling the bucket with sand and a child approaches because he wants the shovel. Should we force him just because, despite leaving him without a toy?

Another example: we have taken the bicycle down to the street, we are teaching the child to ride it, another child approaches because he wants to ride. Should we stop that moment when a mother or father is teaching to ride a bike just to give a lesson on what it means to share?

The reality is that many times we do it, we remove the shovel and the bucket from our children's hand to leave it to other children or we get off the bicycle after five minutes on it so that another child can ride. It is that moment in which our son stays crying because he does not understand the situation. It is very possible that we would not understand it either if another adult takes away our smartphone or takes our can of soda to give it a sip, just because ... you have to share!

The important thing is not to force them to share, but to teach them to do so. In order to teach sharing and for him to do it, several circumstances must be given:

- Be prepared to do it, that understands the benefit of sharing with others, of interacting with their peers. Before we censor his attitude or punish him, we must teach him to share.

- That when sharing does not run out of anythingThat the happiness of another child does not mean his displeasure. If he has more than one toy and he is not playing with any of them, we can insist that he lend them to someone else while he does something else.

- We must ask our son if he wants to lend his toyAnd if you decide not to, we should respect your decision, even if we face the glare of other parents. We can take advantage of a situation in which he wants a toy from another child to talk about the benefits of sharing.

- We must be an exampleThey must see in ourselves that generosity with others so that they can replicate their behavior.

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