With the best of intentions, as always, we lecture the children in the hope that this monologue in which we have placed ourselves will bear the fruits we want: that our children will obey us and become more responsible.
But, lecturing children… does it work? We answer this question and propose some simple guidelines to improve our communication so that children will listen to us.
It is likely that on some occasion, trying to correct your child's behavior, you have resorted to the typical sermon, scolding or reprimand. All of them are common ways that parents use trying to get children to obey us or make better decisions in the future.
However, lecturing children, as well as scolding them to change their behavior, is an ineffective technique with very little results, both in the medium and long term. Sermons, like yelling, scolding, or scolding, do not offer children the skills or strategies to modify their behavior and for this reason they are not effective.
Sermons block communication and prevent parent-child relationships from flowing properly. Sermons, no matter how well-intentioned, carry an implicit negative message: that of mistrust. Mistrust in what they have done, in their ability to change, in their criteria, in their possibilities, ... This implicit mistrust in the sermon it causes children to band together, stop listening, become defensive and resentful.
The Bottom Line, Lecturing Kids Doesn't Work. However, this does not mean that we should not talk to our children or stop explaining what we expect of them. It is clear that one of our obligations as parents is to provide our children with the opportunity to learn both from what they do well and from what they have done wrong. But we must do it by explaining it clearly and doing it briefly and not by sermons that provide more information than necessary and put them on the defensive.
To stop preaching, we must start by trusting our children and learning to communicate with them more effectively and positively. These simple guidelines can help you improve communication with your children:
- Use a language appropriate to the age and maturity of the child.
- Get on his level, look him in the eye when you talk to him, don't do it above him. To do this, kneel, crouch or sit.
- Listen to what he has to tell you. Don't fall for the monologue.
- Respect their turn to speak, don't interrupt.
- Trust your possibilities.
- Allow error and understand it as a possibility for improvement.
- Ask without being intimidated.
- Do not rush to give your opinion and judge
- Control your emotions and impulses. Stop and think before reacting negatively to conflict. Avoid lecturing, threatening, criticizing, or saying hurtful things.
- Change the messages "you" for the messages "me". For example, try changing "You lied to me again" to "I feel bad when you lie to me."
The education and upbringing of our children require great doses of love and patience, but also limits and discipline where dialogue should never be lost since it is key to maintaining a healthy emotional relationship with them. For this, parents must make an effort to learn to listen to children properly and speak to them with the appropriate language.
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